Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
my poor anus
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
