does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
