walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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