your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
