and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
