my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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