Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
