Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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