so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
