I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
