I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
