So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
