high people should be assigned attendants
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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