Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
FUCK WHALES
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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