i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
