My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
