oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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