Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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