Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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