omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
