So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
