did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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