i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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