I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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