Where did you get a picture of my penis
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
