Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
