I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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