So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
