who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
