so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize