Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
