he wants to bone in the snuggie
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think my moral compass just broke
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