hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
