I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
