Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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