I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
