The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize