Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
