I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
