he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
