Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
