he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
