he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
