:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
