Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
