Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
