It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
