Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
