She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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