New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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