I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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