Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i need some magic done to my vagina
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
