I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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