My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
