If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
