yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
