I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
