Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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