she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
