So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
