There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
