I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I want to be your penis for a week.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
