It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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