So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
