The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
