why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
