quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
